Reviewing your possible options, the what-could-have-beens, the what-should-have-beens, you will realize that there's no turning back. The only way to go is to move forward. Yes, I wished to become a doctor and even took a pre-med degree, but here I am stuck in the world of cubes looking for my way out. But I don't think I want to be a doctor anymore. I wasted so much time already. There's no more time left for studying the human anatomy amongst the fresh grads. Or maybe there is, but again, it's too damn late.
While I was skimming through updates and comments in Facebook, I read one of my Biology classmates' comments regarding surgery. And it struck me, I should have been doing this already. I should have been stitching somebody's skin by now. There was this sense of elation as I visualize those surgical equipment and the mechanics and procedures and gamuts of medical terminologies. I wished. I just wished that I am among these people running around the hospital corridors, busying themselves with clinical reports and diagnoses. It's done. It's over. But, I didn't regret it if you asked me. There are far more important things in life than my dreams. There are my family's dreams, as well. I should feel lucky though coz I have the opportunity to meet more people, more friends, whose lives parallel mine, who experience exact same emotion, scenario, feelings as mine. For this, I am not alone.
As I've said, the only way to go is to move forward. As I take these few steps forward, let me lean back and move a step back as I reminisce a different life if what-could-have-been is now. Carpe diem!
Monday, August 3, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
I Will Please
Placebo in Latin, I will please. Thus, the effect, to please. An imaginary cure consoling the deepest aches. I need placebo. Not the direct cure, but just the cure: the water in my capsule, the sugar in my pill.
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Ignorance is bliss.
Posted on May 27, 2006
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Ignorance is bliss.
Posted on May 27, 2006
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Panic! at the Cubicle
Remember the day when you first hit the floor, took in your first call, and answer a call in fluent English. Well, I hardly remembered what happened then, but here's a post about it. I wrote this right after I took the plunge. I was quite surprised of what I felt then. I would surely understand my fresh-graduate agents now.
Panic! at the Cubicle
Posted on October 8, 2006, Sunday
If you don’t know what to do, as a normal person, you would panic. As a not-so-normal one, you make a scene worthy of a Golden Globe for best dramatic actor. I hope I did the first normal thing to do, but I certainly remembered I made a scene (not so worthy yet very believable), which only a few quite noticed, damn! It was my first take on my job (I am not particularly sure if it is OK to discuss it in here, so I’ll just be pretty vague about it). It was horrible as I thought it would be, but I panicked anyway, so much for the confidence.
I never thought this thing would really be that hard for a non-experienced idiot as I am. Uhmm, well, statistics show it will be. The first tries were finished, and I am still struggling to find that edge in me. Everybody thought I would be great (for this, I also thought I will be), but then just like those ironic twists on movies, I stumbled, stuttered, and for the love of all things holy, killed my self-esteem along the way. I was crushed; crushed as an egg falling from the edge of a cliff. I could have chosen a better description for that, the heck I can’t; Humpty Dumpty’s the first thing that comes to my mind. Well, this is never the first time; I have a good share of embarassments, TMTM (too many to mention).
The Cube, the place I will abhor for the rest of my life or should I say, more probably, the rest of the years before someone will pull me out of this pithole (my sister, it’s you, don’t try to mock me!); was a little claustrophobic. Although, I don’t have that kind of fear and I have been there gazillion times, it might be one of the reasons I crapped my ass off. I was a mess and the place is altogether messy, lots of worried faces struggling for some help, and I think I was never alone. I was just one with the crowd. They are laughing with me not at me. Or so I hope.
I know this is just a phase, and everyone must do all things for the first time. Now, it will be my second time and I’m not quite sure if I will be able to get through to it; I’m really not sure. But for sure, things will get pretty sticky in the following days, just like the armpit of someone I know. Hmmm, how do you practice multi-tasking if you’re panicking?!! Oh, tomorrow will be another mess I will try to wipe clean. So help me All Things Holy! ~~~
Yeah, it's all coming back to me now.
Panic! at the Cubicle
Posted on October 8, 2006, Sunday
If you don’t know what to do, as a normal person, you would panic. As a not-so-normal one, you make a scene worthy of a Golden Globe for best dramatic actor. I hope I did the first normal thing to do, but I certainly remembered I made a scene (not so worthy yet very believable), which only a few quite noticed, damn! It was my first take on my job (I am not particularly sure if it is OK to discuss it in here, so I’ll just be pretty vague about it). It was horrible as I thought it would be, but I panicked anyway, so much for the confidence.
I never thought this thing would really be that hard for a non-experienced idiot as I am. Uhmm, well, statistics show it will be. The first tries were finished, and I am still struggling to find that edge in me. Everybody thought I would be great (for this, I also thought I will be), but then just like those ironic twists on movies, I stumbled, stuttered, and for the love of all things holy, killed my self-esteem along the way. I was crushed; crushed as an egg falling from the edge of a cliff. I could have chosen a better description for that, the heck I can’t; Humpty Dumpty’s the first thing that comes to my mind. Well, this is never the first time; I have a good share of embarassments, TMTM (too many to mention).
The Cube, the place I will abhor for the rest of my life or should I say, more probably, the rest of the years before someone will pull me out of this pithole (my sister, it’s you, don’t try to mock me!); was a little claustrophobic. Although, I don’t have that kind of fear and I have been there gazillion times, it might be one of the reasons I crapped my ass off. I was a mess and the place is altogether messy, lots of worried faces struggling for some help, and I think I was never alone. I was just one with the crowd. They are laughing with me not at me. Or so I hope.
I know this is just a phase, and everyone must do all things for the first time. Now, it will be my second time and I’m not quite sure if I will be able to get through to it; I’m really not sure. But for sure, things will get pretty sticky in the following days, just like the armpit of someone I know. Hmmm, how do you practice multi-tasking if you’re panicking?!! Oh, tomorrow will be another mess I will try to wipe clean. So help me All Things Holy! ~~~
Yeah, it's all coming back to me now.
Blog Back
I'm blogged back in!
I was convinced this morning to bring on back those writing chaps (if any), to touch those keys, to move those neurons, and restart posting blogs. It's a bit awkward to do this all over again and I don't know where to begin, so I started rereading those old posts, and surprisingly I was pretty amazed (flabbergasted maybe) on what I have been writing before. It's funny. It's poignant. And most of the time, it's stupid. But hey, I'm still the same: funny, poignant, stupid. It's also nice to know that there are people reading your blogs. Humility aside, I always thought that I'm just doing this for myself.
I used to keep a lot of blog sites and I will still be keeping them for memento's sakes. Feel free to check them out in Burp If You Must (Friendster) and The World is A++ Subway (Blogspot). It's been 4 years since I have been doing this and kinda realized that I could have earned if I took this seriously. I'm still not taking this seriously though, but earning money is a welcome. My first blog way back in July 1, 2005 was coincidentally about getting back on something. And since I really have nothing in mind to write about and this one aptly explains my current state of being, so here you go. Chap, chap.
Back to the WEB
Posted on July 1, 2005
Welcome, space! The things that I do right now are (fill in the blank). I really don’t know what I have been doing right now. All I know is that I missed Iloilo, the urban niche, where I can get private! I am here in Dumaguete City, trying to thrive on greener pasteur (take it literally!). Working is tough, but I have been enjoying. The fruits will be soon ripe…. It’s all a matter of patience.
This is the time when I am experiencing the longest days of my lives. When listening to "melancholy and infinite sadness" songs has become an everyday ritual rather than a emo-pasttime. This is the time when I look for mementos of my teenage past, my non-working days, my has-all-the-time-and-energy-but-no-money-era and dwell on them and eventually become emotional. Gone were the days of my gig-jumping, my NU-in-the-morning, and my days of being wild. This will be a long one, and my patience is running out…
I’m 20 and I am dying to die… (kidding!). It’s almost a decade when I was 19. And the fun is still ‘half-empty.’
Read me, I am dying for attention. And the things that I will be doing later are (fill in the blank). Patria-Adorada, region del sol….
I was convinced this morning to bring on back those writing chaps (if any), to touch those keys, to move those neurons, and restart posting blogs. It's a bit awkward to do this all over again and I don't know where to begin, so I started rereading those old posts, and surprisingly I was pretty amazed (flabbergasted maybe) on what I have been writing before. It's funny. It's poignant. And most of the time, it's stupid. But hey, I'm still the same: funny, poignant, stupid. It's also nice to know that there are people reading your blogs. Humility aside, I always thought that I'm just doing this for myself.
I used to keep a lot of blog sites and I will still be keeping them for memento's sakes. Feel free to check them out in Burp If You Must (Friendster) and The World is A++ Subway (Blogspot). It's been 4 years since I have been doing this and kinda realized that I could have earned if I took this seriously. I'm still not taking this seriously though, but earning money is a welcome. My first blog way back in July 1, 2005 was coincidentally about getting back on something. And since I really have nothing in mind to write about and this one aptly explains my current state of being, so here you go. Chap, chap.
Back to the WEB
Posted on July 1, 2005
Welcome, space! The things that I do right now are (fill in the blank). I really don’t know what I have been doing right now. All I know is that I missed Iloilo, the urban niche, where I can get private! I am here in Dumaguete City, trying to thrive on greener pasteur (take it literally!). Working is tough, but I have been enjoying. The fruits will be soon ripe…. It’s all a matter of patience.
This is the time when I am experiencing the longest days of my lives. When listening to "melancholy and infinite sadness" songs has become an everyday ritual rather than a emo-pasttime. This is the time when I look for mementos of my teenage past, my non-working days, my has-all-the-time-and-energy-but-no-money-era and dwell on them and eventually become emotional. Gone were the days of my gig-jumping, my NU-in-the-morning, and my days of being wild. This will be a long one, and my patience is running out…
I’m 20 and I am dying to die… (kidding!). It’s almost a decade when I was 19. And the fun is still ‘half-empty.’
Read me, I am dying for attention. And the things that I will be doing later are (fill in the blank). Patria-Adorada, region del sol….
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